The Eyes of Texas

Once upon a time, I thought that the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders, with their soft porn, were the worst thing about Texas. Over the years, however, Texas, and specifically its politicos, have managed to compile a record number of idiocies, outrages, and anti-democratic laws and actions to sink the Cowgirls to the bottom of the list. The latest example—and the worst so far—was announced by this headline:

Texas Gets Ready To Allow Unlicensed Carrying Of Handguns

That’s right—no license needed to carry a weapon.

HOWEVER—if you own a dog, in most Texas cities you have to register it and/or microchip it.

Which implies, to my little brain, that a canine is a much more dangerous proposition than a firearm. I don’t get this. Did I miss the news reports of mass murders being precipitated by a dog owner’s shout of “Go, Fido, kill, kill!”?

There are rumblings now and again in Texas that the state should secede from the union (remember, they tried once and failed). Well, maybe the rest of us should just shrug our shoulders and say, “Go back where you came from (i.e., Mexico). Poor old Mexico, though, has enough of its own troubles with firearms and murders that it doesn’t need the added burden of Texas’. Which should rule out that homecoming. It would be a disappointment to Ted Cruz, who likes to sneak off there when the Lone Star State gets too frigid.

(And by the way, which idiot allowed him into New Jersey to go to Princeton? A case can be made for border controls.)

So, I give up—I don’t know what we can do about Texas. 

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The only good that has come out of Texas was Brian Leetch.

E Pluribus Unum

Recently, I donated a shedload of money to my alma mater; in return, my alma mater sent me a shedload of paper. The only paper I have retained is a pamphlet entitled “Great Grads 2020.”

According to the pamphlet, these graduates are “poised to make great contributions in fields as varied as structural engineering, Early Childhood Education, landscape architecture and medicine.” What struck me most about the graduates were their national origins and ethnic backgrounds. Here’s the list:

Benjamin Akhavan—Jewish-Iranian

Propa Akter—Bangladeshi

Gina Bravo—Mexican

Kereen Brown—Jamaican

Yardelis Diaz—Unspecified Latinx

Alexandros Gloor—Greek-Italian

Sabastian Hajtovic—Turkish

Isabella Joseph—Indian

Mahmoud Khedr—Egyptian

Marija Krstic—Serbian

Terrell F. Merritt—African-American

Mathiu Perez Rodriguez—Ecuadorian

Rossmery Almonte Tejada—Dominican

And most exotic of all:

Daniel “Cash” Langford—Texan

Who cannot not love a school that offers such a diverse populace an opportunity to succeed? Who cannot love a country that has opened its doors to such a wide-range of nationalities? 

Oh wait. I forgot the wall-builders, the excluders, the bigots, the hate-mongers.

But aren’t we better than they are?

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One of the graduates was awarded the Barry Goldwater Scholarship, “America’s premiere award for undergraduates majoring in math, science and engineering.” The take-away from that: Even Republicans can benefit society, if they put their minds to it.

No Cohens on the Mayflower

Rick Santorum, former Republican Senator from Pennsylvania, gave a speech recently to a group of young fogeys at a Standing Up For Faith & Freedom Conference hosted by the Young America’s Foundation, a conservative youth organization. He made headlines—and created a backlash—by claiming that 

America was birthed from “nothing,” and that “there isn’t much Native American culture in American culture.”* 

One particular point he raised (and which has spurred me to action) is that the United States 

"was settled predominantly by people who were coming to practice their faith. They came here, because they were not allowed to practice their particular faith in their own country."

“And so they came here, mostly from Europe, and they set up a country that was based on Judeo-Christian principles.” 

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To test Santorum’s claim, I telephoned a man who should have great insight into the Europeans who early on settled in America, Christopher Jones, master of the Mayflower, the ship that brought the Pilgrims to Massachusetts.

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Us: Hello. Is that Christopher Jones?

Jones: Yes, it is, matey.

Us: Master of the Mayflower?

Jones: Right again, matey.

Us: I hope you won’t mind answering a question or two about your journey from England and the passengers you carried.

Jones: Only happy to. You know I have been waiting for donkey’s ages for some recognition of what we—I mean my crew and me—went through to deliver those passengers safely across the ocean. The history books are filled with noise about Myles Standish and John Alden and William Bradford, but nothing about us.

Us: I’m sorry, Captain Jones, but I also want some information about your passengers, who are known to history as the Pilgrims.

Jones: Well, all right—as long as you mention us seadogs in there somewhere.

Us: Now, the general image of the Pilgrims, as represented in drawings and paintings, is of men dressed in solemn black clothing and wearing big hats. Would you say that is a true representation of the men?

Jones: Absolutely. And the women wore dresses down to their shoe tops.

Us: Aha. Recently, someone said that the settlers were determined to set up a country based on “Judeo-Christian principles.” Now we know that there were Christians aboard the Mayflower, but we here at drnormalvision have wondered whether there were Jews aboard as well, considering that claim about the founding of the country on “Judeo-Christian principles.” Did you have any inkling that some of the black-clad men with big hats might have been Jews?

Jones: I can state categorically that despite their dress, none of those black-clad figures were Jews.

Us: Why is that?

Jones: Because when they came topside to pray, they davened in English.

Us: Wow! So the Pilgrims weren’t intending to base their new society on yiddishkeit? 

Jones: Got it in one. You know there’s an interesting fact I just learned: There are approximately 35 million people worldwide who are Mayflower descendants.

Us: Really?

Jones: Yup. And not one of them is a yid.

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* https://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/550318-santorum-there-isnt-much-native-american-culture-in-american