Language Follies 20 (Don't Mess With The Goat)

Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard. 

H. L. Mencken

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It is fairly clear now that Chinese thermostats are crap.

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Back in 2010, I wrote about what I called “errorology,” the way errors are produced, often because of the circumstances or structure of the enveloping context and not because of simple human breakdown. (1) 

The other day I had another experience of structural-caused error. I was on-line trying to buy (what else?) a watch, and when I went to check out, I used auto-fill to complete my address. I then entered my credit card info, and everything looked hunky dory as I sent my order in. Except, out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw something wrong with the address. Indeed, as I frantically searched, I discovered that my purchase was going to be sent from The Netherlands to Alabama. How did that happen? The answer I soon figured out was simple: on most websites you have to enter your state via a drop-down menu.

And the default state was the alphabetical leader—Alabama.

So, thinking that the use of my automatic address included my state, I almost shipped the watch to Dixie.

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Perhaps the most astute comment of the previous week was made by Sgt. Eamon McArthur of the British Columbia conservation officer service, who spoke about a deer which was spotted wearing a high-vis jacket: “Deer are not predisposed to wearing clothes.”

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This week’s product puzzlements

(A) Tropicana Classic Lemonade

Who would have thunk lemonade was made with “real lemons”?

(B) Red Baron Pizza

I can only think of Snoopy:

(C) Audemars Piguet watch ad from the 1970s:

(D) “Too Faced Better Than Sex Volumizing Mascara”

(E) “Voice Wear” (Expensive Tee Shirts with messages)

(F) “Artisan Extracts”

(G) “Mad Voltage” (Soccer shoes)

(H) “World Leader in Robotic Lawn Mowing”

(I) Mind Reader Fireplace Set with Stand, Brush, Shovel Scoop, Poker, Tongs, Durable Steel, 9"L x 6"W x 26.25"H, 4 Pcs, Silver

$11.99

(J) And last, the New York Times had a gifting suggestion: 

“They’ve already got a solid hammer, but a true D.I.Y.-er might appreciate this exceptional $300 hammer.”

I hope they have a lot of nails!

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Let’s end on a good note. 

A year-and-a-half ago, I wrote about the experience of a young California girl and her pet goat, Cedar. (2) She originally sent the goat to the Shasta District Fair to be auctioned off, but changed her mind. The Fair insisted that she live up to the contract she signed and eventually sent two sheriff's deputies 500 miles to seize the animal, which was eventually slaughtered.

The good news is that the girl won a $300,000 settlement over the seizure and slaughter of her pet goat. (3)

That’ll show the bullies of Shasta County!

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(1) https://drnormalvision.blogspot.com/2010/04/meaningless.html

(2) https://drnormalvision.blogspot.com/2023/04/learning-experiences.html

(3) https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2024/11/04/pet-goat-slaughtered-lawsuit-settlement/?utm_campaign=wp_post_most&utm_medium=email&utm_source=newsletter&carta-url=https%3A%2F%2Fs2.washingtonpost.com%2Fcar-ln-tr%2F3f893a7%2F672a4e2ae57bc003e58589b4%2F642db43e1c7bbc33572ed54a%2F39%2F55%2F672a4e2ae57bc003e58589b4