What's the Purpose of Thursday?

Today is Thursday.

Why?

What is the purpose of Thursday?

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Everybody understands the weekend. Saturday and Sunday—though not exactly the same—are welcome because of the opportunity to throw the alarm clock out the window and sleep as long as one wishes. Also, one can dress however one wants. Shaving and showering are optional. 

The days differ in these ways, however. Saturday, like Friday, offers the opportunity to get dressed up and party the night away (no alarm clock the next morning). Sunday, though, becomes antsy as the day advances (there is the alarm clock the next day). Filled with regret for the missed possibilities of the day, we recover the clock from the garden—and awake the next day to . . .

Monday! The worst day of the week. Back into our uniform and subject to routine, we resent every minute of Monday. In reaction, we do nothing at work. Maybe push some paper around, pretending it’s the Magna Carta or something. But nothing real is accomplished. Which leaves . . .

Tuesday. The one day in which work is done: Monday’s leftover work and Tuesday’s own pile of crap. We work twice as hard and at the end of the day are ready to collapse. 

The Germans understand Wednesday; they call it Mittwoch, the middle of the week. It is the pivot day, the day in which the resentment directed backwards to the two previous days shifts to anticipation of what’s to come.

What’s to come should be Friday, that lovely day which will free us of the work week and allow us to party all night (see Saturday) because we’re free from routine and order for the weekend once we walk out the door of work. 

But, alas, Friday doesn’t come after Wednesday. There’s Thursday. Quicksand to inhibit our progress to the transition to the weekend. It takes the patience of Job to make it through Thursday without screaming, “Where is Friday?” 

Unfortunately, there’s no way of speeding up the clock. We have to shoulder the burden of Thursday. And 24 hours too late, greet Friday with a sigh.

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So I ask again, “What’s the purpose of Thursday?”