In my blog post of August 10, 2017 (“They’re Writing Songs of Love”*), I wrote about whining plutocrats, quoting James Surowiecki, who “yoke[d] [Stephen] Schwarzman [the chairman and CEO of the Blackstone Group] with venture capitalist Tom Perkins and Kenneth Langone, the co-founder of Home Depot, (both of whom ‘compared populist attacks on the wealthy to the Nazis’ attacks on the Jews’). They are members of the plutocratic set who ‘believe that they’re a persecuted minority.’” Almost a decade later, the whining continues, as
Steve Roth [the CEO of the Vornado Realty Trust] bravely brought attention to the plight of his fellow billionaires during a recent earnings call. “I consider the phrase ‘tax the rich’ … spit out with anger and contempt by politicians … to be just as hateful as some disgusting racial slurs.”**
We at drnormalvision can exclusively report that the cries of the billionaires have not gone unnoticed. Our secret Washington mole has handed us a copy of the Trump administration’s plan for a complete overhaul of the United States calendar of national holidays, which the committee drawing up said calendar has named “The Rodney Dangerfield Plutocrats get No Respect Rectification Project.”
And here it is:
Calendar of National Holidays (effective January 1, 2027)
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January
January 1—(Formerly New Year’s Day) Now, National Recalibrate Your Earnings Day
Eliminated—Martin Luther King, Jr. Day (obviously a DEI plant)
February
Added--February 2, Ayn Rand’s Birthday (to be celebrated by a marathon reading of Atlas Shrugged at The Donald J. Trump and John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts)
Eliminated—February 12, Lincoln’s Birthday (Billionaires can’t relate to someone born in a log cabin)
Renamed—February 14, Valentine's Day, now, Love of Plutocrats Day
Eliminated—February 22, Washington’s Birthday (Impossible to celebrate someone who “cannot tell a lie”)
March
Renamed—March 17, St. Patrick's Day to be Mandatory Wearing of the Green Day, celebrating the accumulation of greenbacks
April
Added—April Fools Day (Billionaires get a free pass at making fun of the rest of the populace)
Added—April 15, Un-tax Day (The 1 percent are relieved of their burden)
Easter—Repurposed to anticipate the second coming of Trump
May
Eliminated—Memorial Day (We can’t bother with losers)
June
June 14—Donald Trump’s Birthday (Celebrated with a yuge military parade down Pennsylvania Avenue)
Eliminated—June 19, Juneteenth (See MLK, Jr. Day)
July
Renamed—July 4, now Dependence Day (Recognizing that the United States is dependent upon the good nature of the rich)
Added—July 14, Bastille Day (The prison gates are opened to free businessmen convicted of fraud, self-dealing, pyramid schemes, and stock manipulation)
August
Au, being the chemical sign for gold, the whole month is dedicated to draping Federal properties with faux-gold
September
Renamed and repurposed—Labor Day becomes Management Day (to celebrate those who run the show)
October
October 31—Halloween—(A day dedicated to scaring those who are about to lose their medical coverage)
November
Eliminated—Election Day
Eliminated—November 11, Veterans Day (See Memorial Day)
Repurposed—Thanksgiving (Steve Roth also said that billionaires should be “praised and thanked”*** and they shall be)
December
Eliminated—December 25, Christmas (Plutocrats can’t relate to someone born in a manger—cf. February 12)
Added—December 26, Boxing Day (The public shows their appreciation of the rich by gifting them presents—cf. July 4)
***
* https://drnormalvision.blogspot.com/2017/08/theyre-writing-songs-of-love.html
*** https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/may/06/tax-the-rich-racial-slurs-new-york-real-estate
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