Hunger Games

In the coming weeks, thousands of college students will walk across a stage and proudly accept their diplomas. Many of them will be hungry.

Thus the New York Times in an article entitled “Tuition or Dinner? Nearly Half of  College Students Surveyed in a New Report Are Going Hungry.”(1) The article tells the stories of some of the “45 percent of student respondents from over 100 institutions [who] said they had been food insecure in the past 30 days.”  

I would like to offer those undernourished graduates-to-be the wish that they have enough strength in their legs to make it to the podium to collect their sheepskins. However, I must—in all honesty—warn them that their lunchless days are not going to disappear if they follow the advice offered in an article in USA TODAY entitled “You don't need that: Average American spends almost $18,000 a year on nonessentials.”(2) In that piece Maurie Backman of The Motley Fool provides a list that purports to show “How Americans spend on luxuries” and urges us to ditch, among other things, our ride shares and our gym memberships. (One imagines that we can get our exercise by walking from one end of town to the other.) But most striking about the alleged luxuries to be dumped is lunch, which is claimed to cost $173.62 per month. And what is one to do with the money not spent? Why, buy life insurance, say the folks behind the information-gathering (who just happen to be in the business of selling? that’s right, life insurance).(3)

*

A week ago, the Warwick, Rhode Island school district told students with unpaid bills they had only one choice for meals: a sunflower butter and jelly sandwich.(4) That announcement raised an almighty wrong-headed tsunami of protests—to which the school district reacted by abandoning the new policy. You perhaps are wondering why I wrote “wrong-headed”? The new policy would have been for those students perfect preparation for their real world future. From unappetizing sunflower butter and jelly to the hunger of college to lunchless workdays—what a seamless transition!

But they have no reason to despair at what life holds for them: at the end of it all, there will be some insurance money to pass on to their descendants.

***

         (1) https://www.nytimes.com/2019/05/02/nyregion/hunger-college-food-insecurity.html?searchResultPosition=4

(2) https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2019/05/07/americans-spend-thousands-on nonessentials/39450207/

         (3) For a takedown of this article, see:    https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/may/09/capitalist-overlords-lunch-usa-today

         (4) Not even a peanut butter and jelly sandwich! https://www.nytimes.com/2019/05/08/us/rhode-island-lunch-money.html

Moish Explains All

Us: Today we have in our office Moses, who happens to be visiting the city.

Moses: I’m not visiting the city; I’m visiting Kaplan, the podiatrist. You know, forty years of walking on hot desert sand does a job on your footsies.

Us: Well, thank you for taking time out to come here and answer some perplexing questions about the Exodus, Moses.

Moses: Call me Moish. I got to say it’s a pleasure to be here—to meet somebody new. Forty years wandering around with the same bunch . . . You know, we Israelites had no words for “hello” and  “goodbye.”

Us: Why’s that?

Moses: Because nobody ever left and nobody new ever showed up. Forty years crossing the desert and we didn’t even meet Lawrence of Arabia. All we did was to go from oasis to oasis—and let me tell you it wasn’t easy-peasy trying to find an oasis without GPS. 

Us: But surely it had to be pleasant being at an oasis.

Moses: Yeah, for maybe a week or two. But it soon gets old sitting around eating dates and figs, figs and dates. 

Us: You must have been aggrieved at your fate.

Moses: Not “aggrieved”—“Argive.”

Us: “Argive”?

Moses: Yeah, we were like those Greek guys in that book—The Iliad. But they only waited ten years before they got where they were going. And they had fights to kill time. And wood to build stuff.

Us: To move on: could you tell us about the miracle of the parting of the Red Sea.

Moses: That was no miracle. It took two years of installing pumps. It was no miracle—it was engineering! I’ll tell you what was a miracle.

Us: What was that?

Moses: Me climbing up Mount Sinai after a day of walking across the desert. That was a miracle! And I had to shlepp those tablets back down. Today, God would just send an email.

Us: One last question: is it true that Pharaoh’s daughter discovered you as a baby in the bulrushes?

Moses: I can’t answer that. For one, I was so small I remember nothing about it. And for two, I don’t know what the hell bulrushes are.

Us: Thank you for dropping by, Moses . . .

Moses: Moish.

Us: Right. Moish. Is there anything else you’d like to add?

Moses: Yeah. Can you get me a piece pumpernickel? Forty years of matzoh—enough already!

Burning Questions

Today we have on the phone a special guest—Jesus of Nazareth.

Us: Thanks for taking time to chat with us, Jesus. I hope we haven’t interrupted anything important.

Jesus: Nah. I was just turning some water into wine—Cabernet Sauvignon, as a matter of fact. Not bad, if I say so myself.

Us: We wanted to speak to you because your name has popped in the news again . . .

Jesus: That so?

Us: Yeah. You have been reported as having been seen in the fire at the roof of Notre Dame de Paris the other day.* 

Jesus: What day was that? 

Us: Monday.

Jesus: Monday is laundry day. I was down at the Sea of Galilee washing the sheets. Besides—and this is important—I am camera-shy. I have not had a picture taken of me since the fourth grade. 

Us: Let me get this straight—does that mean that all those icons and such aren’t you?

Jesus: Can’t be. Some guy with a Leica once tried to sneak a photo, but Luke collared him and dispatched him with a boot up the backside.

Us: Well, how about that daVinci painting called “Salvator Mundi,”** which sold for $450 million at auction in 2017? That’s not you either?

Jesus: You gotta be kiddin’. The guy in the painting looks like some kind of stoner. Me? Ha! And for $450 million? Do you know how many loaves and fishes you could have gotten?

Us: Anyway, to change the subject—The New York Times has published a story about clergymen sporting luxury sneakers and other rich apparel:

Carl Lentz, the pastor who baptized Justin Bieber in a professional basketball player’s bath tub, appeared wearing a pair of Nike Air Fear of God sneakers that were selling online for about $500. Then John Gray, a pastor from South Carolina, was shown in blood-red Air Yeezy 2s, the sneakers made in collaboration with Kanye West, that were going for upward of $5,000. And in another photo, Chad Veach, who preaches in Los Angeles, had a $1,900 Gucci bag and wore $795 pants.***

Jesus: You’re putting me on, right? I mean, we’re really far away from that Assisi guy. You know, around here we go around barefoot most of the time; we have sandals that we wear when we have to walk long distances, just basic leather things—no Birkenstocks and such. I will admit that I had an old pair of Keds once that some tourist had left behind. But they quickly disintegrated. Anyway, I like to wiggle my little piggies.

Us: OK. Thank you for your time, Jesus. I know that you must be busy with Passover and Easter coming up . . . Oops, sorry about that.

Jesus: Yeah. This weekend is a bummer. But I like to think I rise above it. Ciao.

***

* https://www.aol.com/article/news/2019/04/17/woman-claims-to-spot-jesus-in-photo-of-flaming-notre-dame-cathedral-roof/23713568/?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAABZUWnzmTj0ScccfAkPycbINHXxkMEFFwqj38QDGuFAEjp53ELlDfhIvUp7Bb9CiXdSkENvPgPKL_59DuDTZ6kplv3iToPFFbLLdbOHAMvHTUISL_1QxbVUHs7-tzH6cm3GdQ5O87FTR_b7gWZrFCHcL7gmymxOh6lPAsLNSNXdf

** https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salvator_Mundi_(Leonardo)

*** https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/17/nyregion/preachers-sneakers-instagram-account.html?action=click&module=Top%20Stories&pgtype=Homepage

The Misery of Others

Thirty years ago this spring, I got the chicken pox. The disease is never fun, but I got a particularly bad case and my body still bears scars, especially on my scalp. I was sick a lot as a kid, including two hospitalizations for asthma, but nothing I endured was worse than the chicken pox, with the ceaseless itching from hundreds of sores covering every inch of my body, even the most tender areas. I spent hours every day crying, wondering with a childish intensity whether I would ever feel comfortable again. Amanda Marcotte (1)

Ms Marcotte was responding to the announcement by Kentucky Governor Matt Bevin that he deliberately allowed his nine (!) children to develop chicken pox rather than inoculate them against the disease. This is in contrast to the view of the young Amanda Marcotte, who, when the vaccine came out six years after her bout with the disease, “was overjoyed that children would never have to suffer that way again.”

Gov. Bevin has joined an unfortunately growing list of modern-day immiserators—those who believe that suffering will make others better people. (2) 

One of the loudest voices among the modern-day immiserators is Darla Shine, the wife of White House communications chief Bill Shine. Tweeting recently she 

lamented the fact her children had received the MMR vaccine, which guards against measles, mumps and rubella. She added that people of her generation -- the Baby Boomers -- were healthier now because they had measles as children."I had the #Measles #Mumps #ChickenPox as a child and so did every kid I knew - Sadly my kids had #MMR so they will never have the life long natural immunity I have," Shine tweeted, adding, "Come breathe on me!""The entire Baby Boom population alive today had the #Measles as kids," Shine tweeted later. "Bring back our #ChildhoodDiseases they keep you healthy & fight cancer.” (3)

"The entire Baby Boom population alive today”—well hurray for them, the survivors. What about those children who had measles or mumps and didn’t survive? Here’s what the CDC [Centers for Disease Control and Prevention] has to say about measles:

Some people may suffer from severe complications, such as pneumonia (infection of the lungs) and encephalitis (swelling of the brain). They may need to be hospitalized and could die.
As many as one out of every 20 children with measles gets pneumonia, the most common cause of death from measles in young children.
About one child out of every 1,000 who get measles will develop encephalitis (swelling of the brain) that can lead to convulsions and can leave the child deaf or with intellectual disability.
For every 1,000 children who get measles, one or two will die from it. (4)

The fallaciousness of Ms Shine’s reasoning is obvious; you can’t base an argument on good outcomes while ignoring the bad. That’s like advancing the notion that the sinking of the Titanic did a lot of good because it made stronger people of the survivors—while neglecting the souls who sleep in Davy Jones’ locker.

Hadley Freeman, a columnist at the Guardian (UK), suffers from epilepsy and is concerned—like many other people who are dependent upon a steady supply of medicines—about the possibility of losing access to her pills as a result of Brexit. She asks:

just how self-centred do you have to be to think the risk of making it harder for people to get necessary medications is an irrelevant niggle while you achieve your masturbatory fantasy of “sovereignty”? (5)

Ms Freeman quotes what is probably the clearest pronouncement of political immiseration:

someone called Ant Middleton from Channel 4’s SAS: Who Dares Wins . . . said last year in a tweet (since deleted): “A ‘no deal’ [Brexit] for our country would actually be a blessing in disguise. It would force us into hardship and suffering which would unite & bring us together, bringing back British values of loyalty and a sense of community!” 

I am reminded of a dispute about equality between his faction and another group in the early days of the Soviet Union that Victor Serge mentions in his book Memoirs of a Revolutionary: how his desire was to raise the lot of the underclasses to that of those above them, while the desire of his opponents was to lower everyone to an equal level of immiseration. (6)

*

But to give the devil his due, perhaps there is some value in allowing diseases to flourish without medical intervention. David Routt in his article “The Economic Impact of the Black Death” (7) estimates that the plague killed between seventeen and twenty-eight million people during the 14th century. But looking at the catastrophe from an immiserator’s point of view what could be so bad? With a smaller number of workers available, the survivors were able to force an increase in wages:

the rural worker indeed demanded and received higher payments in cash (nominal wages) in the plague’s aftermath. Wages in England rose from twelve to twenty-eight percent from the 1340s to the 1350s and twenty to forty percent from the 1340s to the 1360s. Immediate hikes were sometimes more drastic.

Summing up the economic outcomes of the Black Death, Routt says:

In the long term, the demographic restructuring caused by the Black Death perhaps fostered the possibility of new economic growth. . . . Viewed from another perspective, the Black Death was a cataclysmic event and retrenchment was inevitable, but it ultimately diminished economic impediments and opened new opportunity.

*

 So . . . why stop at bringing back measles, chicken pox, and the mumps? Let’s go for the plague. With an all-out onslaught of the Black Death we would have rising wages for the workers and new economic opportunities for the entrepreneurs.

What politician wouldn’t want to run on a platform like that?

(1) https://www.salon.com/2019/03/21/matt-bevins-anti-vaccination-stunt-is-not-about-personal-choice-its-much-darker-than-that/

(2) The great La Rochefoucauld: “We all have enough strength to endure the misfortunes of others.”

(3) https://www.cnn.com/2019/02/13/politics/darla-shine-measles-anti-vaccination/index.html

(4) https://www.cdc.gov/measles/about/complications.html

(5) https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/mar/09/hadley-freeman-epilepsy-no-deal-brexit

(6) I regret not making a note of the exact details as I was reading the book.

(7) https://eh.net/encyclopedia/the-economic-impact-of-the-black-death/

Welcoming the Wall

What a week! There I was climbing out from under my desk, when I had to scramble back again. And it’s hard typing in a fetal position.

*

Two weeks ago, faced with a major outbreak of measles cases, the Governor of the State of Washington declared a state of emergency.* I immediately acted as I—a child during the cold war years—was trained in school to respond to a declaration of a state of emergency (there might be nuclear weapons raining down soon): I ducked under my desk until the all-clear signal. Which fortunately finally arrived on Tuesday just as my spine was threatening to imitate a camel’s hump. Darla Shine, the wife of White House Deputy Chief of Staff for Communications Bill Shine and the siren of the anti-vaxxers, was the Lorelei who lured me out from below the desk—but was it onto the rocks of vaccination scaremongering or to the haven of an angst-free mind?

Here’s her tweet**:

“Bring back our #ChildhoodDiseases they keep you healthy & fight cancer”?  Well, that settled it. An outbreak of measles was just the start to a healthy and cancer-free future. No need for radiation; no need for chemo; no need for surgery. 

Glorious! I stood up tall, stretching my hunched back as far as it could go. 

All clear!

Until Friday.

*

“We are going to be signing today, and registering, a national emergency,” proclaimed Donald Trump, standing in the White House Rose Garden. My god, we were under the threat of “an invasion of drugs, an invasion of gangs, an invasion of people.”*** 

Back under the desk. 

* 

Trump declared that he was declaring the national emergency in order to secure funds to build his “beautiful” wall—the wall that would keep out those nasty Latin Americans. Latin Americans, who, if they had the opportunity, would presumably have their children gleefully vaccinated.

And who, if they have been following the news about the measles emergency in the state of Washington, would, one expect, have had their minds changed about the wall and are happy that it will—if Trump’s bluster can be trusted—actually be built. 

How reassuring for the Latin Americans that a wall will keep those contagious gringos trapped behind it.

***

      * https://www.cnn.com/2019/01/26/health/washington-state-measles-state-of-emergency/index.html

      ** https://www.newsweek.com/wife-trump-aide-criticizes-cnn-coverage-measles-outbreak-fake-hysteria-anti-1330394

      *** https://www.newyorker.com/news/our-columnists/a-weak-and-rambling-president-declares-a-fake-national-emergency

Addled Adages and Quixotic Quotations

It's exactly a month until the Ides of March, when we have to get serious about the state of Rome. 

In the meantime, let's have some fun.

*

A wolf in sheep’s clothing is very warm.

When in Rome, you’re not in Albany.

To be or not to be—that is metaphysical.

East Side, West Side, all around the town—gridlock.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack said, “What are we nuts? We have indoor plumbing.” 

The boy who cried Wolf—and Schubert and Beethoven.

It’s a long, long way to Tipperary—unless you’re in Limerick.

Jack Sprat could eat no fat; his wife could eat no lean. So they were never able to agree on a restaurant.

Keep the home fires burning—if you’re an arsonist.

Had we but world enough and time—we’d still need a load of cash.

Oh, that this too, too solid flesh would melt! (Why’d I put it in the freezer in the first place?)

I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. (Unless I need to lie.)

Physician, heel thyself. Then roll over and play dead.

A fool and his money are soon partied.

The Emperor has no clothes. They’re all in the wash.

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears! I’m an audiologist new in town.

“But did thee feel the earth move?” “No.”

Polly want a cracker—with peanut butter.

Henny Penny, the sky is falling as sleet!

God is in the details, and he can’t get out.

He who hesitates—has to wait for the light to change. 

London Bridge is falling down. On the other hand, London Canasta is still standing.

Donald Trump's Moccasins

The other day while I was shopping, my progress down the aisle was impeded by an extremely obese woman who was shuffling along in shoes that could barely contain her feet. I thought, how uncomfortable she must be; in fact, it may be more than discomfort—she may suffer real pain in attempting to work her way through daily life. 

* 

A White House source has leaked President Trump's private schedules for nearly every working day since the midterms, showing that Trump has spent around 60% of the last three months in "Executive Time.”*

For most days, “Executive Time” was a three-hour block from 8:00 AM to 11 AM. And what was Trump doing during that period? We can’t account for every minute, but we do know that he regularly watched the fault-finders and mischief-makers on “Fox & Friends” and fired off streams of acerbic grievance-filled tweets.**

Trump has been criticized for being notoriously thin-skinned. He cannot pass over a slight (even the slightest slight). He is an injustice collector, who, unfortunately, cannot direct his bone-spurred feet away from a path strewn with nettles. Stung from the moment he turns on his television in the morning (or, perhaps, from bad dreams from sleeping on a bed of nettles), he spews his malcontentedness out onto the twitterverse. 

*

There is an oft-repeated faux-Indian saying that one should not criticize another person before walking a mile in his moccasins. The actual source of the saying is a poem by Mary T. Lathrap called “Judge Softly,” in which she advises us:

Just walk a mile in his moccasins  

Before you abuse, criticize and accuse.

Thus, we should understand that the obese woman shuffling along in her too-small shoes is experiencing more misery than we are in being obstructed. And despite the shedloads of misery that Trump has unleashed upon the world in the past two years, can we, who have not walked a mile in his moccasins, be sure that stung by the nettles that cross his chosen path daily, Trump is in less misery than we are?

*

However, as the clear-eyed François de La Rochefoucauld informs us in his Maxim 203: 

He is really wise who is nettled at nothing.

***

* https://www.axios.com/read-trumps-private-leaked-executive-time-schedules-00e9313a-3066-4988-a6dc-711a47de661e.html

** “The impression we get from Trump’s leaked schedules, really, is that Trump’s day doesn’t generally start until 11 a.m. Before that, he seems to be engaged in the sort of executive time that his critics disparage: lots of watching television and tweeting about things that are on his mind.” 

https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2019/02/04/there-are-two-types-trump-executive-time-one-each-side-political-debate/?utm_term=.dc6aa3f44378

***

Addendum:

Perhaps the way to understand injustice collectors is to consider this story comedian Buddy Hackett told about his army experience:

Hackett, a nice Jewish boy from Brooklyn, is sent by the army for basic training to a camp in an echt-goyishe part of the country like Kansas, where the diet consists of bland military food like chip-beef on toast (a cuisine very different from his mother’s spicy Jewish cooking). Very soon, Hackett is in a panic when he discovers he no longer has heartburn. He thinks his fire has gone out and he is going to die. 

Injustice collectors need to feel a fire in their stomachs, otherwise they do not feel alive.