Give and Take

"When someone shows you who they are believe them." 

Maya Angelou

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"The expressiveness of the individual . . . appears to involve two radically different kinds of sign activity: the expression that he gives and the expression that he gives off."

Erving Goffman, The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life

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As individuals, it is always in our interest to control the impression that others have of us. Thus, we attempt to convey to others what we want them to think of us by our dress, our speaking style and language, our gestures, and so forth. These are the signs that we give. They are choices made to establish our persona and to allow us to navigate the world in the manner we desire. 

But we are not always in control of our expressions, and thus the impression that others have of us. The ill-fitting suit, the outdated slang, the nod when there should be a wink are examples of “sign activity” that subvert the intended impression that we wished to convey.

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No one of recent vintage has been more assiduous at giving verbal signs in an attempt to influence the perception of his persona by others than Donald Trump. He is, he has claimed to be, “very smart”—indeed, “a stable genius.” We note these statements here without bothering to pursue them further at this time. What we are interested in right now are two recent statements (verbal expressions, in other words) by Trump in which he attempted to control others’ impression of him—but which gave off contrary information that contradicted the impression he tried to give.

The first statement was Trump’s attempt to maintain the image of a Teflon don (pun not necessarily intended) in a blue Bar Mitzvah suit. Attempting to give that impression in response to criticism of the bungled response to the coronavirus pandemic, he stated, “I don't take responsibility at all.” However, Trump’s verbal sign is contradicted by the expression given off by a knowing reading of the words by his audience. Here is a man, says this contrary reading, that is not responsible—that is, irresponsible. “I don't take responsibility at all” thus equals “I am irresponsible.”

The second statement recently made by Trump in an attempt to give a favorable sign came when he was asked if he had “any interest in reaching out to presidents Bush, Clinton, Obama, Carter . . . .” Trump replied, “I don’t think I’m going to learn much.”*

This was Trump with his “very smart,” “stable genius” hat on. But what the statement gives off is the impression of someone who is either unable or unwilling to learn anything.

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I used to make the point to my freshman classes that it would be wonderful if people carried a sign that announced what they were really like (“I am a jealous person”; “I am a generous person”; and so on). Unfortunately, that’s not the case in the real world. We can, if we dare, take people only at their self-evaluation, judging them on the signs that they deliberately give. But it is always best to scrutinize the signs given off, those unconscious expressions of selfhood that convey to us observers what trust we should or should not have in the expressions that others’ give us.

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*  https://www.theatlantic.com/notes/2020/03/2020-time-capsule-7-i-dont-think-im-going-to-learn-much/608569/