The New "Chosen People"

Have you noticed that we have a new group of “chosen people”? The Jews? They’re passé. Besides, they’re all mixed up in Gaza (wherever the hell that is). 

It’s here in the USA that God matters, and God has been slowly building up his troops. In 1953, it seems that there was only one person whom God could depend on—President Dwight Eisenhower. At least that’s what The New Yorker reported one divine claimed. 

More recently, the USA no longer has had to depend on a lone soldier like Ike; there has been an onrushing of newly-anointed saviors of this country. 

For example, Tom Parker, the Alabama chief justice, has stated that “God created government,” and claimed that he himself had been called by God to “the mountain of government.”*

Then there’s Mike Johnson, the Speaker of the House of Representatives, who expressed shock that he was elected to that gaudy post:

But despite Johnson’s shock at being chosen to lead his people, he concluded that God knew best: “Only God saw the path through the roiling sea,” he concluded. . . .

In his first speech upon becoming speaker, Johnson said, “I believe that Scripture, the Bible, is very clear: that God is the one who raises up those in authority.”**

But to top it all off, there’s Trump. 

This is really a battle between good and evil," evangelical TV preacher Hank Kunneman says of the slew of criminal charges facing Donald Trump. "There's something on President Trump that the enemy fears: It's called the anointing."

The Nebraska pastor, who was speaking on cable news show "FlashPoint" last summer, is among several voices in Christian media pressing a message of Biblical proportions: The 2024 presidential race is a fight for America's soul, and a persecuted Trump has God's protection.***

Trump has seemingly embraced this view of his mission in life:  

The former president has started some rallies with a messianic video made by social media influencers which opens with the line: "On June 14, 1946, God looked down on his planned paradise and said: I need a caretaker, so God gave us Trump."

Well, all I can say is: God also gave us the tsetse fly. 

***

* https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/alabama-ivf-ruling-is-an-assault-on-the-right-to-privacy.html

** https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2023/12/mike-johnson-christian-nationalist-lawmakers-moses.html

*** https://www.yahoo.com/news/god-gave-us-trump-christian-100346241.html?guccounter=1

God Knows

Representative Mike Johnson of Louisiana has just been elected (by Republican votes) as the new Speaker of the House of Representatives. Shortly after the vote, Johnson made some pronouncements about the deity that seemed to us here at Drnormalvision to be problematic, and so we turned to the one source who could clear up our confusion: We got God on the phone.

* 

God: “Hello, God here.”

Us: “Hi, God, it’s the gang at Drnormalvision. We wonder if you could enlighten us about the election of the new Speaker of the House.”

God: “The election of what?”

Us: “Speaker of the House of Representatives of the United States Congress.”

God: “Never heard of it. Is it important?”

Us: “Well, we think it is.”

God: “OK, then, tell me about it.”

Us: “After members of the Republican Party sabotaged the original Speaker and made three failed attempts to elect another, the Party chose Mike Johnson of Louisiana.”

God: “OK, I follow you so far, but where do I come in to this?”

Us: “Well, Mike Johnson claimed that you are ‘the one that raises up those in authority.’ Which implies that he was your chosen one to be Speaker of the House.”

God: “That’s a good one! I never heard of him.”

Us: “Let me quote his exact words:

‘I don’t believe there are any coincidences in a manner like this. I believe that Scripture, the Bible is very clear that God is the one that raises up those in authority. He raised up each of you, all of us. And I believe that God has ordained and allowed each one of us to be brought here for this specific moment in this time. This is my belief. I believe that each one of us has a huge responsibility today, to use the gifts that God has given us to serve the extraordinary people of this great country, and they deserve it.’”

God: “And who was he referring to when he said I ‘ordained and allowed each one of us to be brought here for this specific moment in this time’?”

Us: “I imagine Jim Jordan, Lauren Boebert, Marjorie Taylor Greene, among others.”

God: “I never heard of any of them. So how could I ‘ordain’ them?”

Us: “You never heard of them? How about Mike Johnson?”

God: “Also, as I said before, never heard of him.”

Us: “Is that so?”

God: “Would I lie?”