Representative Mike Johnson of Louisiana has just been elected (by Republican votes) as the new Speaker of the House of Representatives. Shortly after the vote, Johnson made some pronouncements about the deity that seemed to us here at Drnormalvision to be problematic, and so we turned to the one source who could clear up our confusion: We got God on the phone.
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God: “Hello, God here.”
Us: “Hi, God, it’s the gang at Drnormalvision. We wonder if you could enlighten us about the election of the new Speaker of the House.”
God: “The election of what?”
Us: “Speaker of the House of Representatives of the United States Congress.”
God: “Never heard of it. Is it important?”
Us: “Well, we think it is.”
God: “OK, then, tell me about it.”
Us: “After members of the Republican Party sabotaged the original Speaker and made three failed attempts to elect another, the Party chose Mike Johnson of Louisiana.”
God: “OK, I follow you so far, but where do I come in to this?”
Us: “Well, Mike Johnson claimed that you are ‘the one that raises up those in authority.’ Which implies that he was your chosen one to be Speaker of the House.”
God: “That’s a good one! I never heard of him.”
Us: “Let me quote his exact words:
‘I don’t believe there are any coincidences in a manner like this. I believe that Scripture, the Bible is very clear that God is the one that raises up those in authority. He raised up each of you, all of us. And I believe that God has ordained and allowed each one of us to be brought here for this specific moment in this time. This is my belief. I believe that each one of us has a huge responsibility today, to use the gifts that God has given us to serve the extraordinary people of this great country, and they deserve it.’”
God: “And who was he referring to when he said I ‘ordained and allowed each one of us to be brought here for this specific moment in this time’?”
Us: “I imagine Jim Jordan, Lauren Boebert, Marjorie Taylor Greene, among others.”
God: “I never heard of any of them. So how could I ‘ordain’ them?”
Us: “You never heard of them? How about Mike Johnson?”
God: “Also, as I said before, never heard of him.”
Us: “Is that so?”
God: “Would I lie?”
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