Is Everybody Happy?

`The race is over!' and they all crowded round it, panting, and asking, `But who has won?'

This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of thought, and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon its forehead (the position in which you usually see Shakespeare, in the pictures of him), while the rest waited in silence. At last the Dodo said, `Everybody has won, and all must have prizes.’

Alice In Wonderland

*

I recently wandered into a new supermarket in my area. Along the wall over the dairy section was a sign that asserted that the store had an award-winning assortment. Although the store was nice enough and the prices were generally fair, I questioned the variety on display. But who was I to argue with the granting of an award? 

Since that day I have became aware of award-bragging by all sorts of companies about their products and services. Why just an hour or so ago I learned of the “Most Awarded” Natural Smoked Salmon Nova on Amazon—only $107 for 0.5 Pound (Pack of 3). 

In a very short time, I have also found cell phone, airline business class, and on-line casino award-winners. Here are some other claims:

“Watches with award-winning designs and handpicked materials”;

“award-winning independent journalism.”

Oh, and here’s an academic braggart:

“I have also written 2 award winning books.”

My greatest wonderment when faced with all this award-winning is trying to figure out who exactly is giving out the awards and what the criteria are. I mean, who goes around sniffing lox to see if a particular slice is hall-of-fame-ish or proletarian riff-raff?

But let me not carp that something might be fishy about all those claims of awards. Let me don the Dodo’s feathers and grant everyone a prize. 

To quote the old-time bandleader Ted Lewis:

“Is everybody happy?”