Baa Humbug

Exactly seven months ago, on December 28, 2020, The New Yorker printed a short essay entitled “Berkshire County Postcard: Name Game” as part of its “Talk of the Town.” The Berkshire County place of the piece was Great Barrington, Mass., which prior to the previous October was mostly famous for being the site of Susan Gotthelf’s alma mater. In October, however, a group described by the magazine as “more than three dozen epidemiologists, physicians, and statisticians, as well as a stray philosopher” published the “Great Barrington Declaration.”

The sponsor of the declaration was something called the American Institute for Economics Research, an alleged think tank based in Great Barrington. (I say “alleged” because think tanks don’t encourage thinking; they’re propaganda mills.)

The subject of the declaration (doesn’t that sound grand—as if they were separating themselves from the motherland) was the coronavirus. Arguing against lockdowns, the paper looked to herd immunity to contain the pandemic. The argument was immediately slammed by real experts across the globe, such as Chris Whitty, England’s chief medical advisor, Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus, World Health Organization’s director-general, and, of course, Anthony Fauci.

The declaration was also attacked by the good citizens of Great Barrington, who felt that the town’s reputation would be sullied by association with a foolish—and dangerous—document with its name in the title.

It is worth pointing out here that one of the signatories of the declaration was a professor from Oxford who had asserted five months previously that COVID was “on its way out” in the UK. Has that eminent academic—in the face of the facts from 14 months later offered below—bothered to apologize for his stupidity?

3,177: Tokyo’s number of new daily cases on Wednesday, the second-straight day the city set its record for highest daily cases.

Daily Covid cases in UK rise for first time in eight days, to 27,734.

Well, no. I don’t expect an apology, because the “epidemiologists, physicians, and statisticians, as well as a stray philosopher” were writing under the sponsorship of a libertarian institute. And libertarians are so convinced of their special status on planet Earth that they need never bow a knee to the concerns of others. “I can do what I want; I can spill toxic wastes from my factories into local streams, emit noxious gases into the atmosphere, use workers how I please. I can even write bullshit declarations about epidemics.”

*

Terms of venery are used to identify animals appearing in groups, such as a gaggle of geese, a pride of lions, or a herd of cows. It is fun sometimes to play a game where you invent such terms for groups of humans. A shitload of proctologists, perhaps, or a drill of dentists, maybe. Anyway, I think a synod of stinkers would fit libertarians perfectly.

*

Let us turn to another term of venery: a flock of sheep.

I think I have identified the ultimate libertarian nursery rhyme: Little Bo Peep.

Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep

And doesn’t know where to find them.

Leave them alone

And they’ll come home

Waggling their tails behind them.

Let’s examine this.

The shepherdess, the guardian of the flock, has neglected her job; she has lost the sheep. What to do?

The voice of the advice giver (in lines 3,4, and 5)—obviously a libertarian—says do nothing. Don’t go looking for the sheep, don’t call upon the resources of the community to aid you in that attempt. The fact that there was need for a shepherdess in the first place—to, among other things, keep the flock safe from wolves looking for a lamb chop dinner—is sloughed off. 

Go home, have a cup of tea, put your feet up, and watch the telly. That sheep are supposedly among the dumbest animals doesn’t matter; they’ll somehow activate their internal GPS and over hills and through dales navigate to the right farm. Soon, dear Bo Peep, you’ll be able to put your head down on your pillow and fall asleep to the sweet bleating of the lambs.

I hope Bo Peep has had the COVID shots—relying on herd immunity when you’re dealing with a flock is ultimate foolishness.

An Ordinary Sunday

Yesterday was an ordinary Sunday; an ordinary day. One might almost say a generic news day. Three items from yesterday’s news could have been from any day’s news, revealing what this country is all about.

*

After six worker deaths at Georgia chicken plant, U.S. issues $1 million in fines*

 

Six workers dead and the company offers up prayers:

The company posted on its website, "As our community continues to heal, we extend our continued sympathies and prayers to the families and friends of those lost."

Perhaps if the company had been following safety protocols the deaths would have been avoided. Of course, that would have meant obeying regulations, and we all know (because the Republicans have told us so) how awful regulations are. They keep freewheeling businessmen from doing their own thing and, worst of all, they cost money. Of course, lives might be saved when care is taken to follow the rules, but the bottom line is king.

So the nasty federal government had to step in and issue citations and fines against the ownership group, who, one imagines, are still on their knees in prayer.

*

Officials in Michigan county will return virus bonuses

Elected officials in a conservative Michigan county who gave themselves bonuses of $65,000 with federal COVID-19 relief aid say they will return the money following days of criticism**

The bad old feds again; giving out money for COVID relief. But how quickly GOP eyes lit up when they saw the greenbacks flowing to their state. “It ain’t filthy lucre when it’s going into my pocket!” How many Republican-controlled states refused free Medicaid extension money that would have gone to help the poor of their states? We can’t have that! What we can have is that other pot of dough. 

Well, at least they demonstrated a sense of shame when called out. Now, to get on the phone to cancel the new pickup truck with the gun rack in the back.

*

States scale back virus reporting just as cases surge***

Several states scaled back their reporting of COVID-19 statistics this month just as cases across the country started to skyrocket, depriving the public of real-time information on outbreaks, cases, hospitalizations and deaths in their communities.

It makes perfect sense, doesn’t it. Just when cases rise, you stop reporting on them. Hey, we’re open for business; can’t let a bunch of Debbie Downers ruin it. 

Democratic societies need information to prosper. Autocracies need suppression of information to keep the populace from knowing the truth. 

There are, it seems to me, certain tests that can instantly separate the bad from the good. For example, I learned decades ago during the civil rights and anti-war protests that you can easily tell which side the bad guys are on: look at who is beating up the photographers. They don’t want the truth to come out. They are the suppressors of freedom, the acolytes of autocrats.

Similarly, though less violently, the pols who refuse to let the public know the facts—whether about the number of COVID cases or those responsible for the insurrection at the Capitol—are the enemies of a democratic society. 

“Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” That’s all well and good, but not letting you know the truth keeps me in power. And that’s a higher good. Right?

*

So, just an ordinary Sunday—with the usual grifters, liars, and chiselers. 

***

 *  https://finance.yahoo.com/news/six-worker-deaths-georgia-chicken-154106249.html

 **  https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/officials-michigan-county-return-virus-bonuses-79046640

 ***   https://news.yahoo.com/states-scale-back-virus-reporting-142431529.html

A Little Knowledge

Alas!

Sometime during the past 75 years I lost my secret decoder ring—the one I got by sending in a cereal boxtop and 25 cents. That is why I am totally lost when faced with headlines like this one from New York magazine:

Can LVP Still Be an MVP After RHOBH

*

I quite honestly admit that when it comes to modern pop culture I am low man on the totem pole. I know nothing. I am sure that there are millions who swallowed this New York headline

Megan Thee Stallion Calls Out DaBaby for Tory Lanez Retweet

as if it were mother’s milk. 

And that there were millions more who were enthralled by this Glamour article:

Orlando Bloom and Katy Perry’s Complete Relationship Timeline

I didn’t even know they were a thing—whoever the hell they are.

Well, now I know they were a thing. 

*

I read a little while ago on Yahoo, 

Everyone is Still Grasping Jonathan Scott Tragedy 

Jonathan Finally Speaks Up About The Break Up Between Him and Jacinta.

Actually, the headline should have read, “Everyone minus one . . . ,” because I wasn’t grasping or gawping or screaming or crying. Because once again, who the hell are those people?

Here’s the crazy thing: I have no idea who they are, but I now know that they broke up. The news finally trickled down to the low man on the totem pole. And if I know—everyone knows!

*

Now, class, if you’re still awake, we come to the main point of this exercise. 

The QAnon conspiracy theory is vast, complicated and ever changing, and its adherents are constantly folding new events and personalities into its master narrative. But the gist of it is that national Democrats, aided by Hollywood and a group of “global elites”, are running a massive ring devoted to the abduction, trafficking, torture, sexual abuse and cannibalization of children, all with the purpose of fulfilling the rituals of their Satanic faith.*

This alleged vast “conspiracy” has been reported upon by many media outlets. Thus, we can say that the “conspiracy” is no secret. Everyone—even low man on the totem pole, me—has heard and/or read about it. Which means not only the crazies of the batshit right, but also police chiefs, attorneys general, district attorneys, the FBI, and other law enforcement agencies. It doesn’t take too many brain cells to imagine that some avid crime fighter, having become cognizant of this pedophilic conspiracy, would be right now up to his eyebrows in subpoenas for the miscreants—if there was anything there.

But not a whisper of action. 

One is reminded of the Comet Ping Pong “Pizzagate” fiasco. On December 4, 2016, Edgar Maddison Welch, a nutjob from North Carolina walked into the above-cited pizza joint carrying a loaded AR-15 assault weapon, shot a few rounds into a door, and proceeded to search for the basement dungeon where satanic pedophile rituals led by Hillary Clinton took place.** 

If Welch had half a brain, he would have remained in the Tarheel State saying to himself, “If a schmuck like me knows all about this satanic cabal, then everyone knows about it.” And he could have settled back on his haunches, feeling secure in the knowledge that at least one of the lawmen above him on the totem pole (sensing massive headlines) would have dealt with such alleged abuses.  

 

*

Today on New York magazine webpage:

Orlando Bloom Thinks His Wives Are the ‘Cutest’

Now I know everything!

***

*  https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/sep/20/qanon-conspiracy-child-abuse-truth-trump

**  https://www.washingtonian.com/2020/12/04/the-comet-ping-pong-shooting-was-four-years-ago-today-we-had-no-clue-what-was-about-to-happen/

Some (Non)Problems Are More Easily Solved Than Others

This post is dedicated to Turnabout Records in recognition of its motto: “Turnabout is Fair Play.”

*

Our fair play deed of the day is in response to the selfless desire of Republicans to keep us peasants from losing time for our prayers by having to scratch our heads trying to decide how we wish to be governed. (We discussed this in the recent post “Republicans Just Wanna Help You” https://drnormalvision.blogspot.com/2021/06/republicans-just-wanna-help-you.html.) So today we offer the GOP a simple plan to solve two of their perceived problems: Election fraud and voter suppression.

The Republicans insist that their recent avalanche of legislation in many GOP-controlled states to combat “election fraud” (yeah, it deserves scare quotes) is needed, even though most of them admit that there was no wide-spread fraud in the 2020 presidential election (a couple of jerks were discovered to have voted twice, once in propria persona and once pretending to be their deceased father; they were Trump voters). So, what is the defense of such legislation? It is allegedly designed to keep the non-existent from occurring in the future. I am reminded here of a recent article on Artnet.com* concerning a dispute about the invention of invisible art. Don’t laugh; an “artist” sold some schmuck “a work of art made of literally nothing” for €15,000 ($18,300). The GOP is trying that stunt on the political front.

The voter suppression drive is, of course, what the legislation is really in aid of. “Let’s keep the democratic voters from voting and we’re home free. To hell with the will of the people!” 

*

Back to our Turnabout Fair Play. Here is our legislation help for the Republicans: Eliminate elections!  By one stroke of legislative magic they will have both eliminated election fraud (no elections, thus no chance of fraud) and of course will have entirely suppressed opposition votes (no elections, no votes). 

The GOP could then pay tribute to the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) on its 100th anniversary by taking a leaf out of the CCP’s playbook. Only about 7 percent of China’s population are allowed to be members of the Party. The CCP, therefore, can

control politics, economics, and society without losing its exclusivity. Anyone can apply to join, but applicants are carefully vetted and huge numbers are rejected.**

Without elections, a small coterie of Republican true believers can control the destiny of the US. And isn’t that what they want?

*

Harry Golden was a New Yorker who moved to North Carolina in 1941 and later founded his own periodical, The Carolina Israelite. He was a fierce opponent of segregation, which he attacked in his work. His most famous observation about segregation was that whites were fine with standing in line with black people but would not tolerate sitting next to them. Golden thus proposed “vertical integration,” eliminating seats in schools, theaters, restaurants, buses, etc. 

Golden was of course a satirist, which we would never claim to be (despite the motto of this blog being “Fools rush into my head, and so I write,” Alexander Pope). We are merely good samaritans who wish, as stated in the second paragraph, to return a favor to the GOP.

***

* https://news.artnet.com/art-world/florida-man-lawsuit-invisible-sculpture-1984780

** https://www.nybooks.com/articles/2021/07/01/chinese-communist-party-most-adaptable/

Eau de 5 O'Clock

I am disconsolate. 

I have just discovered that in the January 21, 1950 issue of The New Yorker there was an advertisement for a fragrance called “Five O’Clock.”

For decades now, I have been saving up my pennies in order to form a company to produce and market a fragrance called “Eau de 5 O’Clock.” I still feel there is a need (which I shall explain shortly) for my scent, but faced with the possibility of a trademark dispute, I cannot see a way forward.

*

It all started with adultery. 

One day, long ago, I was musing about adultery (purely in the abstract, you understand), and I wondered how one gets away with it. It seemed impossible to me. 

I pictured one of those suburban havens surrounded by a picket fence—you know, an Ozzie and Harriet dwelling, where they only eat white bread. I imagined the philandering hubby coming through the front door, calling out, “Honey, I’m home.”

Now, sex is smelly and sweaty.

[Dick Cavett: “Is sex dirty? Woody Allen: “Only if it’s done right.”]

There are two possibilities here: Either the wandering spouse had immediately jumped from his amour’s arms into his business suit and sprinted to Grand Central to catch the train to Larchmont, or he had taken time to shower at the trysting spot in order to remove all signs of misbehavior. 

Each of these scenarios raises problems for hubby. If he was quick off the mark to catch the choo-choo, how does he keep wifey from smelling sex? Even the dumbest Dora must eventually wonder why her spouse after entering the family abode, immediately races up the stairs (sticking close to the wall) to the bathroom to take a shower.  

The second idea—taking a shower before coming home—brings up a different smelling problem: How can he explain the fact that he carries about him a residual aroma of Ivory soap?

*

Enter “Eau de 5 O’Clock.”

Perfumes and colognes aim to make people smell like something other than what they are. For women, it may be roses, lavender, or dozens of other floral scents. For men it may be leather, spices, musk, or such like. 

My fragrance also was designed to make the user smell other than what he is: an adulterer. It was designed to make him smell as he should smell after a hard day’s work pushing paper to pay for the picket fence. Thus, the aroma of “Eau de 5 O’Clock” is a mixture of the scents of coffee, cigarettes, cigars, ink, copier toner, a two-martini lunch, and subway sweat. With no possibility of detection of the truth.

“Honey, I’m home.”

“Yes, dear, did you have good day at the office?”