Friday, May 24, 2019

Kris Crossed

Kris Kringle—also known as Santa Claus, Father Christmas, Papá Noel, Père Noël—comes around one day a year, traveling by sleigh. He brings gifts for young and old that are generally appreciated (except for the odd “That tie is positively ugly”). By his example of generous gift giving, he has inspired people to do the same, thereby boosting both the local and national economies.

Need we point out that he is one of the most beloved—if, unfortunately, imaginary--figures in many cultures (as his many names indicate).


Another Kris, the unimaginary Kris Kobach—hereafter to be known as “The Knob”—is, unfortunately, with us all year round. He attended Harvard and received a law degree from Yale.(1) After losing attempts to gain a seat in either the Kansas state or national legislature, he finally found a job he could be elected to—Kansas secretary of state. The job consisted mostly of paper-pushing, such as regulating including sports agents, trade unions, cemeteries, and funeral homes.(2)

Obviously, sniffing around graveyards and funeral homes was not going to raise the heartbeat of The  Knob, Ivy League striver. So he latched onto another paper-pushing aspect of the secretary’s job: administering elections and voter registration throughout the state. In that role, he mounted his Rocinante and ventured out to tilt against the windmills of voter fraud. His quest was summed up perfectly in this sub-head of a Bloomberg article: 
Wild goose chases, phony accusations, imaginary threats: Nice work if you're Kansas's secretary of state.(3)
Another headline:
Judge Tosses Kansas' Proof-Of-Citizenship Voter Law And Rebukes Sec. Of State Kobach(4)
In that federal court case, The Knob—forgetting the old adage that a man who represents himself in court has a fool for a client—was, besides being the loser in the case, sharply rebuked by the judge:
Chief District Judge Julie A. Robinson sanctioned Kobach — who led President Trump's voter fraud commission— by ordering him to take a legal class on the rules of evidence or procedure. 
So much for a Yale Law School education!


Unfortunately, as I said above, unlike Kris Kringle, Kris The Knob is with us all year round, showing up in the most astonishing places. The latest sighting found him stuffing papers into an envelope to be delivered to the Grifter-in-Chief; it was an application to join the grifter mob as immigration czar. Actually, in addition to an application, this political loser(5) included a list of demands:

Kris Kobach’s Conditions for Becoming Immigration Czar
Mr. Kobach submitted the following list of demands during discussions for an administration post.
  • 1. Office in the West Wing.
  • 2. Walk-in privileges with the president.
  • 3. Assistant to the President rank - at highest pay level for WH senior staff.
  • 4. Staff of 7 people (2 attorneys, 2 research analysts, 1 scheduler, 1 media person, 1 assistant).
  • 5. POTUS sits down individually with Czar and the secretaries of Homeland Security, Defense, Justice, Ag, Interior, and Commerce, and tells each of the Secretaries to follow the directives of the Czar without delay, subject to appeal to the President in cases of disagreement.
  • 6. 24/7 access to either a DHS or DOD jet. Czar must be on the border every week.
  • 7. Ability to spend weekends in KS with family on way from border back to DC, unless POTUS needs Czar elsewhere.
  • 8. Security detail if deemed necessary after security review.
  • 9. Serve as the face of Trump immigration policy - the principal spokesman on television and in the media.
  • 10. Promise that by November 1, 2019, the president will nominate Kris Kobach to be DHS Secretary, unless Kobach wishes to continue in Czar position.(6) 


Amazing, wouldn’t you say? Even outdoing the other grifters with their dining tables and telephone booths—“24/7 access to either a DHS or DOD jet,” anyone?

Old Kris Kringle, who brings joy each year, somehow manages with a sleigh propelled by some Arctic fauna. 

Hey, Knob! You’re not in Kansas anymore!


(1) Now, really, how many knobs, beside The Knob, have graduated from these places and infiltrated into our lives, government, and culture?


No comments:

Post a Comment