I’m not sure how this blog should be rated—maybe “G” for “Great” or “Godawful.” Anyway, it’s not rated “M” like a certain video game.
With no blood and gore, this blog is fit for consumption by all ages.
*
But close enough to blood and gore, there was of course my hospital sojourn. Two little bits to offer:
1) At two o’clock in the morning one night, the person fiddling with my Lasix input said she would leave a tube or something in place so that she wouldn’t have to wake me when she came back at four AM. Dialogue ensues:
Me: What kind of nurse are you that you don’t want to wake me at four AM?
Her: I’m not a nurse; I’m tech.
2) Speaking of Lasix—When being informed that I was to receive Lasix, I said, “They give Lasix to racehorses. Show me a track and I’ll run six furlongs.”
*
Would you trust your pipes to a company called Victorian Plumbing?
*
Sometimes I think that I am Amazon’s only sane customer.
*
And then there’s The New York Times—is anyone editing it?
“A pair of AG Jeans, a line Mr. Goldschmied founded in 2000 and sold to a partner in 2004, might have went (my italics) for as much as $130 in the early days . . .”
I pointed this out in the readers’ comment section, but the paper didn’t print my offering.
*
The Times alerted us to the fact that there exists a great financial opportunity (assuming you have a hole in your head) to invest in holes in dough: the Manhattan Bagel Equity Fund, a bagel-specific investment fund. Just the thing to fill a hole (or make a hole) in your portfolio.
New bagel shops are opening up and apparently poppy seed doesn’t cut it anymore. At one shop,
[b]agels are made at all hours and in all flavors, topped with Buffalo- or birthday-cake-flavored cream cheese, sandwiched with trendy condiments like Mike’s Hot Honey or stuffed with red sauce and mozzarella.
Toto, we’re not on the Lower East Side anymore.
*
If a bagel with a shmear doesn’t entice you, you could go to Burger King and get your sesame seed fix in a concoction with the following ingredients:
• Lettuce
• Original Chicken Patty: Boneless, Chicken Breast With Rib Meat, Water, Isolated Oat Product, Flavor (Maltodextrin, Flavor), Salt, BREADED WITH: Enriched Wheat Flour (Wheat Flour, Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamine Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid), Salt, Spices, Contains Less Than 2% Of Natural Flavor, Dried Whey, Vegetable Oil (Soybean And Sunflower), Dried Yeast, Onion Powder, Garlic Powder, Leavening (Monocalcium Phosphate, Sodium Bicarbonate) And Dextrose., Battered With: Water, Enriched Wheat Flour (Wheat Flour, Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamine Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid), Salt, Leavening (Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate, Sodium Bicarbonate), Corn Starch, Whole Oat Flour And Natural Flavor., Cooked In Vegetable Oil [(Corn Oil, Cottonseed Oil) Or (Corn, Canola, Hydrogenated Soybean Oil) Dimethylpolysiloxane]
• Mayonnaise: Soybean Oil, Vinegar, Eggs, Egg Yolks, Salt, Sugar, Lemon Juice Concentrate, Ground Red Pepper, Dried Garlic, Mustard Oil
- Specialty Bun: Unbleached Enriched Flour (Wheat Flour, Malted Barley Flour, Niacin, Iron, Thiamine Mononitrate (Vitamin B1), Riboflavin (Vitamin B2), Folic Acid), Water, Sugar And/Or Liquid Sugar (Water, Sugar), Soybean Oil, Yeast, Salt, Wheat Gluten, Yeast Food (May Contain One Or More Of The Following: Calcium Sulfate, Calcium Carbonate, Monocalcium Phosphate), Dough Conditioners (May Contain One Or More Of The Following: Wheat Starch, Distilled Monoglycerides, Sodium Stearoyl Lactylate, Ascorbic Acid, [Ethoxylated] Mono- And Diglycerides, Calcium Stearoyl-2-Lacytlate, Calcium Peroxide, DATEM, Potassium Iodate), Guar Gum, Enzymes, Milled Flaxseed, Maltodextrin, Ascorbic Acid, Cultured Wheat Flour, Corn Starch, Soy Flour, Soy Lecithin, Sesame Seeds
*
Or, if you’re the stay-at-home microwave type, you could feast on an offering from Birdseye with these ingredients:
Vegetables (Broccoli, Carrots, Corn), Cooked Enriched Pasta (Water, Enriched Wheat Flour [Durum Wheat Semolina, Niacin, Ferrous Sulfate [Iron], Thiamine Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid]), Sauce (Water, Cheddar Cheese Powder [Pasteurized Milk, Salt, Cheese Cultures, Enzymes], Seasoning [Cheese Powders {Cheddar Cheese (Milk, Salt, Cultures, Enzymes), Whey, Buttermilk, Salt, Blue Cheese (Milk, Salt, Cultures, Enzymes), Disodium Phosphate, Sodium Citrate), Maltodextrin, Enriched Wheat Flour {Wheat Flour, Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamine Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid}, Yeast Extract, Natural Flavors, Hydrolyzed Milk Protein, White Pepper, Xanthan Gum], Whey, Salt, Soybean Oil, Modified Corn Starch, Butter [Cream], Cheese Flavor [Cream, Cheddar Cheese {Milk, Starter Culture, Salt, Enzymes}, Natural Flavors, Yeast Extract, Sodium Citrate, Water, Disodium Phosphate], Buttermilk, Nonfat Milk, Parmesan Cheese Flavor [Whey, Parmesan Cheese {Milk, Cheese Cultures, Salt, Enzymes}, Disodium Phosphate, Lactic Acid], Annatto Extract [Color], Citric Acid, Paprika Extract [Color], Turmeric Extract [Color], Xanthan Gum), Cooked White Meat Chicken (Chicken Breast Meat with Rib Meat, Water, Isolated Soy Protein, Seasoning [Sugar, Garlic, Romano Cheese (Part Skim Cow's Milk, Cheese Culture, Salt,enzymes), Dehydrated Onion], Salt, Sodium Phosphates, Natural Flavor Coated with Corn Flour, Enriched Wheat Flour [Wheat Flour, Niacin, Reduced Iron,Thiamine Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid], Salt, Corn Starch, Spices, Paprika, Maltodextrin, Caramel Color, Garlic Powder, Extractives of Paprika
*
Which all leads us to the world of that great gourmet Donald Trump, who has put down his cheeseburger to pay back the Catholic Church, whose head Trump has called “WEAK on crime.” To protect our country, Trump
has abruptly canceled a multimillion-dollar contract with a Catholic charity that houses and cares for migrant children amid the president’s feud with Pope Leo XIV.
Catholic Charities of the Archdiocese of Miami has helped provide vital services to unaccompanied minors for more than 60 years, but could now shut down within a matter of months after the administration canceled an $11 million federal contract.
. . .
Writing for the Miami Herald, Thomas Wenski, archbishop of Miami, said it is “baffling” that the government would want to shut down a service that has helped thousands of children who entered the U.S. without parents or guardians.
https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/trump-yanks-millions-catholic-charities-090511215.html
That’ll show those orphan criminals!
*
Speaking of Catholics, there’s seven-year-old Vice President J. D. Vance, who “admonished Pope Leo to be more ‘careful’ if he was ‘going to opine on matters of theology.’”
https://www.nytimes.com/2026/04/15/us/just-war-vance-pope.html
Somehow, attempting to instruct the Pope on theology would seem to be worthy of being cited by Merriam-Webster as the epitome of chutzpah.
In another attempt to supply a classical dictionary citation, Vance said,
[i]n Budapest, while extolling Mr Orban as a “profound leader” and a “model to the continent”, . . . he was not telling “the people of Hungary how to vote” and attacked “bureaucrats in Brussels” for having the gall to interfere in the election.
According to The Economist’s columnist Lexington, Vance has a “gift for righteous hypocrisy.”
*
To conclude, let’s bring together The Times and Trumpworld.
In a review of a new book on the life of Rasputin, Sophie Pinkham notes that
[s]ome of Rasputin’s counsel was good; he warned Nicholas not to fight the Austro-Hungarian Empire after the assassination of Franz Ferdinand. When Nicholas refused to listen, taking command of the armed forces, it left Alexandra in a position of alarming authority. A newly appointed minister of the interior heard voices and talked to the dead . . .
https://www.nytimes.com/2026/04/15/books/review/rasputin-antony-beevor.html
Here in the US, we have Trump’s FEMA official in charge of dealing with fires and floods, Gregg Phillips, who claimed
that he once teleported to a Waffle House in Rome, Georgia.
A CNN report last month detailed how, on two occasions, he recounted finding himself being moved, by forces beyond his control, dozens of miles from two different starting points in Georgia.
https://www.instagram.com/p/DWttv__GZ2m/
There’s nothing like having rational people in one’s government!
*
Wait! One thing more: The best bit of advice from The Times this week:
If He Leaves You on a Mountain, End Your Relationship.
No comments:
Post a Comment