Funny--You Don't Look Jewish

In an interview on Friday, the head of the Church of England said the west in general needed to question the prevailing mindset that depicted Christ as a white man in traditional Christian imagery.*

Thus, Justin Welby, the Archbishop of Canterbury. He went on to say that if you go into churches around the world,

You see a black Jesus, a Chinese Jesus, a Middle-Eastern Jesus – which is of course the most accurate – you see a Fijian Jesus.

Did you notice who was missing from this litany of Jesuses?

That’s right—a Jewish Jesus.

Some of you might claim that “Middle-Eastern Jesus” includes a Jewish Jesus. However, a little effort would winkle the Jews from the Syrians, Egyptians, Iraqis, et al. But, more important, I see the submerging of Jewishness into the general mire of Middle-Easternness as another example of the centuries-old attempt to ahistoricize Christianity’s relationship to Judaism. Consider one other example, cited by Diarmaid MacCulloch in his massive (and brilliant) biography of Thomas Cromwell: In 1535, parish clergy were enlisted

in a campaign of sermons and addresses to get families to teach their children the first building-blocks of the Christian faith—Lord’s Prayer, Apostles’ Creed and Ten Commandments.**

Would that be the same Commandments given to Moses on Mount Sinai for the Jewish people?

To use a very contemporary phrase, aren’t we seeing here examples of cultural/religious appropriation?

*

Anyway, to get back to iconography, I do wonder about the idea that Christians have that any of their portrayals of Jesus—in painting, sculpture, or some other weird  medium***—are really portrayals of the historical personage. Unless I’ve been sleeping at the switch, I have not heard of any itinerant Polaroid photographers snapping pictures of random Nazarenes during the first century. Thus, nobody can claim to know what Jesus looked like. Certainly, the standard portrait has no historical claim to validity; according to Wikipedia, “there is no physical description of Jesus contained in any of the canonical gospels."****

With nothing to contradict us, therefore, I would hope we can all agree on one thing: that he almost certainly looked Jewish.

***

*  https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2020/jun/26/church-of-england-justin-welby-white-jesus-black-lives-matter

** Thomas Cromwell: A Revolutionary Life

***  https://www.buzzfeed.com/arielknutson/people-who-found-jesus-in-their-food

                            ****https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depiction_of_Jesus#:~:text=The%20oldest%20known%20portrait%20of,breeding%20in%20Greco%2DRoman%20society.

Burning Questions

Today we have on the phone a special guest—Jesus of Nazareth.

Us: Thanks for taking time to chat with us, Jesus. I hope we haven’t interrupted anything important.

Jesus: Nah. I was just turning some water into wine—Cabernet Sauvignon, as a matter of fact. Not bad, if I say so myself.

Us: We wanted to speak to you because your name has popped in the news again . . .

Jesus: That so?

Us: Yeah. You have been reported as having been seen in the fire at the roof of Notre Dame de Paris the other day.* 

Jesus: What day was that? 

Us: Monday.

Jesus: Monday is laundry day. I was down at the Sea of Galilee washing the sheets. Besides—and this is important—I am camera-shy. I have not had a picture taken of me since the fourth grade. 

Us: Let me get this straight—does that mean that all those icons and such aren’t you?

Jesus: Can’t be. Some guy with a Leica once tried to sneak a photo, but Luke collared him and dispatched him with a boot up the backside.

Us: Well, how about that daVinci painting called “Salvator Mundi,”** which sold for $450 million at auction in 2017? That’s not you either?

Jesus: You gotta be kiddin’. The guy in the painting looks like some kind of stoner. Me? Ha! And for $450 million? Do you know how many loaves and fishes you could have gotten?

Us: Anyway, to change the subject—The New York Times has published a story about clergymen sporting luxury sneakers and other rich apparel:

Carl Lentz, the pastor who baptized Justin Bieber in a professional basketball player’s bath tub, appeared wearing a pair of Nike Air Fear of God sneakers that were selling online for about $500. Then John Gray, a pastor from South Carolina, was shown in blood-red Air Yeezy 2s, the sneakers made in collaboration with Kanye West, that were going for upward of $5,000. And in another photo, Chad Veach, who preaches in Los Angeles, had a $1,900 Gucci bag and wore $795 pants.***

Jesus: You’re putting me on, right? I mean, we’re really far away from that Assisi guy. You know, around here we go around barefoot most of the time; we have sandals that we wear when we have to walk long distances, just basic leather things—no Birkenstocks and such. I will admit that I had an old pair of Keds once that some tourist had left behind. But they quickly disintegrated. Anyway, I like to wiggle my little piggies.

Us: OK. Thank you for your time, Jesus. I know that you must be busy with Passover and Easter coming up . . . Oops, sorry about that.

Jesus: Yeah. This weekend is a bummer. But I like to think I rise above it. Ciao.

***

* https://www.aol.com/article/news/2019/04/17/woman-claims-to-spot-jesus-in-photo-of-flaming-notre-dame-cathedral-roof/23713568/?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAABZUWnzmTj0ScccfAkPycbINHXxkMEFFwqj38QDGuFAEjp53ELlDfhIvUp7Bb9CiXdSkENvPgPKL_59DuDTZ6kplv3iToPFFbLLdbOHAMvHTUISL_1QxbVUHs7-tzH6cm3GdQ5O87FTR_b7gWZrFCHcL7gmymxOh6lPAsLNSNXdf

** https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salvator_Mundi_(Leonardo)

*** https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/17/nyregion/preachers-sneakers-instagram-account.html?action=click&module=Top%20Stories&pgtype=Homepage